British Brexit Political Theater: Gove and Johnson as Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Alice preparing Tweedledum and Tweedledee for battle

Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.

(English nursery rhyme)

The backstabbing and self-immolation of leading Brexit Leave politicians Michael Gove and Boris Johnson (aka Brexit Dumpty) has not seen its like on the British stage since Macbeth and Hamlet.

But was it all a tempest in a teapot, with Theresa May now prepared to inter them both as Conservative Party leader?

One again, Lewis Carroll seems to have had the last word on the Gove/Johnson spat:

“Of course you agree to have a battle?” Tweedledum said in a calmer tone.

“I suppose so,” the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the umbrella: “only she must help us to dress up, you know.”

So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned in a minute with their arms full of things— such as bolsters, blankets, hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles. “I hope you’re a good hand at pinning and tying strings?” Tweedledum remarked. “Every one of these things has got to go on, somehow or other.”

Alice said afterwards she had never seen such a fuss made about anything in all her life—the way those two bustled about—and the quantity of things they put on—and the trouble they gave her in tying strings and fastening buttons— “Really they’ll be more like bundles of old clothes than anything else, by the time they’re ready!” she said to herself, as he arranged a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, “to keep his head from being cut off,” as he said.

“You know,” he added very gravely, “it’s one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle— to get one’s head cut off.”

Alice laughed loud; but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear of hurting his feelings.

“Do I look very pale?” said Tweedledum, coming up to have his helmet tied on. (He called it a helmet, though it certainly looked much more like a saucepan.)

“Well—yes—a little,” Alice replied gently.

“I’m very brave generally,” he went on in a low voice: “only to-day I happen to have a headache.”

“And I’ve got a toothache!’ said Tweedledee, who had overheard the remark. “I’m far worse off than you!”

“Then you’d better not fight to-day,” said Alice, thinking it a good opportunity to make peace.

“We must have a bit of a fight, but I don’t care about going on long,” said Tweedledum. “What’s the time now?”

Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said “Half-past four.”

“Let’s fight till six, and then have dinner,” said Tweedledum.

(Through the Looking-Glass And What Alice Found There, 1871, pp. 86 – 88)

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The short sweet career of backpedaling Brexit's Humpty Dumpty

The short sweet career of Boris Johnson, aka Brexit Dumpty. Top image: Daily Mail.

The Vote Humpty Dumpty off the wall campaign, spearheaded by former London mayor Boris Johnson, has now devolved into backstabbing, with Boris "Brexit Dumpty" dropping a bombshell today:

"in view of the circumstances in Parliament, I have concluded that person [to replace PM Cameron] cannot be me".

Sources claim Brexit Dumpty is planning to retire from politics in order to write his memoirs, with the tentative title "I didn't do it! The Brexit Story".

[Postedit on 4 July 2016: Simpsons picture replaced with paint.netted Brexit version]

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Brexit Leavers can push Humpty Dumpty off the wall, but can they put all the pieces back together again?

In the previous two satirical posts (Goal, goal goal and Euro 2016 players) I equated the Brexit referendum result to a football own goal.

Now that British PM David Cameron has announced his resignation, it is clear that the Leavers will have to form a new government, negotiate the actual break with the EU, and make good on their myriad miraculous promises. Such as that the £350 million pounds the UK supposedly transferred net per week to Brussels would now be a windfall ready to be redeployed as a domestic welfare bounty.

But already, prominent Leavers are backpedaling, like UKIP's Nigel Farage, who now claims he never said this sum would be available for investment in the National Health Service, according to yesterday's Independent.

Thus a more fitting metaphor for the next stage of the Brexit process is the English nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Alice's repartee with Humpty Dumpty from Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking Glass" seems even more appropriate to characterize the semantic confusion around the Brexit debate:

    "I don't know what you mean by 'glory,' " Alice said.
    Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't—till I tell you. I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!' "
    "But 'glory' doesn't mean 'a nice knock-down argument'," Alice objected.
    "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less."
    "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
    "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master—that's all."

    Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. "They've a temper, some of them—particularly verbs, they're the proudest—adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs—however, I can manage the whole lot! Impenetrability! That's what I say!"

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Goal, goal, goal!!! Sorry: Own goal , own goal, own goal!!!

BBC forecasts UK referendum vote to leave EU 52% to 48%.

UK voters decide to call George Soros' bluff that Brexit would be tantamount to a 'Black Friday'.

Is Soros trying to pull another Nathan Rothschild/Waterloo number on Britain, or has Britain really shot one of the greatest world historical economic own goals by gratuitously leaving the EU?

Stay tuned to this station for breaking news and analysis of this unprecedented real-time experiment in economic theory and policy.

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