Pete Hegseth deported from US after tattoos reveal him to be member of MS-13 gang

CIB plausible mashup news, Washington DC, April 23, 2025

Speculation about whether President Trump (aka “Krasnov”) will dismiss Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was put to rest after it became known today that masked ICE agents apprehended Hegseth as he left his office in the Pentagon and drove him in a tinted black van to a waiting aircraft at Ronald Reagan National Airport for deportation to a high-security prison in El Salvador.

President Trump, in a hastily convened press conference, asserted that a closer examination of Hegseth’s numerous tattoos revealed that several incriminated him as a member of terrorist organizations.

Recently revealed tattoos on Hegseth’s arm finally broke the camel’s back. Yahoo!News

Trump presenting the incriminating closeup that led to Hegseth’s immediate deportation under the Enemy Domestics Act, first invoked in 1798 to get rid of President John Adams’ French cook. TruthSocial

Trump denied that Hegseth’s repeated use of Signal chat groups to transmit classified military information, including to his wife, brother and lawyer, was the grounds for his dismissal and deportation.

Trump said that if unauthorized use of Signal chat groups were grounds for dismissal and deportation, half of his administration would already be in jail in El Salvador.

Instead, he claimed that Hegseth’s deportation proves that ICE is being completely evenhanded in its treatment of MS-13 members with tattoos on their hands, regardless of whether it is the left or the right hand.

“We deported Kilmer Abrego Garcia, a complete nobody, without due process. We can deport the Secretary of Defense too, if it seizes my whim. No one is safe—homegrown white supremacists, undocumented immigrants, what have you,” Trump asserted. “Shoo-be-doo-be-doo-da-day,” Trump then sang to the intimidated amusement of the press core.

“Due process is hugely overrated. The Supreme Court can huff and puff as much as they want. Garcia is gone, Hegseth is gone, they’re outside US jurisdiction now and I’m not bringing them back like I did the Tate brothers!”

“I’d claim to be an equal-opportunity autocrat but that would smack of DEI!”, Trump quipped in closing the press conference.

Fake Doctor Is Charged After ‘Liberation Day’ Butt Lift Surgery Leaves World Economy Near Death

CIB Exclusive Semifake Report, Washington, DC and New York, April 4, 2025

"Markets today are way down ... How's it going?" a reporter asked the president. 

”I think it's going very well," Trump responded. "It was an operation. I like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is."(Source: ABC News)

Shortly thereafter, New York City police reported that the patient, apparently known as “The World Economy,” was taken to a hospital by emergency medical workers, where she was intubated, according to a criminal complaint filed today by the Queens district attorney. She had “no brain activity,” the complaint said, “and she is not likely to survive.”

The man, “Donald Trump,” aka “Krasnov,” aka “The President,” 78, tried to flee the United States after the woman became unresponsive, according to the report. Officers caught up with him at Kennedy Airport today, just hours after the operation, as he waited to board the first leg of a flight to Russia, the report said.

Mr. Trump appears to have been a busy, if unlicensed, cosmetic surgeon who also worked in New York City and Palm Beach, according to online records and advertisements. In Washington, DC, he performed procedures in a white house in a park lined with tall trees and well-kept gardens. On Thursday, an order to vacate was pasted to the door. Neighbors said they had seen a swarm of emergency vehicles arrive on the block on Friday morning but that they knew little about the man the police were seeking.

Residence of fake cosmetic surgeon, now abandoned and boarded up. (Photo Credit: NPS)

Schoolyard Bullies Gang Up on Smaller Jewish Kid: Demand His Lunch Money and Want Him to Lick Their Boots

CIB unfathomable news: Two notorious MRGA (Make Russia Great Again) schoolyard bullies ambushed the Ukrainian President yesterday in the White House, demanding his lunch money and a show of “gratitude” by licking their boots.

The schoolyard confrontation (CNN).

The confrontation got off to a good start with the MRGA boss’s feigned chagrin at the President’s attire: “Oh look, you’re all dressed up”.

 

The “disrespectful” attire of the Ukrainian wartime President (top: New York Times) contrasts with the “devout” attire of Huck Hogan at the Republican Convention (bottom: Getty Images). Only “professional” wrestlers like Hogan are permitted to approach His Highness in “fighting” attire, not wartime statesmen.

The bullies were satisfied that the dressing down made for “great television,” but they plan to up their game to attain the media impact of the infamous scenes of Viennese Jews being made to scrub the sidewalks after the Nazi Anschluss of Austria in 1938 (coming attractions for Ukraine and the European Union?).

Photo Credit: Dokumentationsarchiv des Oesterreichischen Widerstandes

Vice-bully Vance said that in the future, foreign “indignitaries” would be required to grovel at least as far as 1938 Viennese Jews to prove their “gratitude,” something the Ukrainian President successfully resisted yesterday.

The world was stunned that the United States has fallen even below the 1954 televised Army-McCarthy hearings, when Army Counsel Joseph Welch challenged the senator’s reckless charges, asking, “Have you no sense of decency, sir?”, to this televised schoolyard bullying.

Photo Credit: United States Senate

Donald Trump calling the kettle (Kamala Harris) Black?

(Charles H. Bennett, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

"Former President Donald Trump falsely claimed Wednesday that his 2024 Democratic rival, Vice President Kamala Harris, “happened to turn Black” a few years ago, saying that “all of a sudden, she made a turn” in her identity." (CNN 2017)

In a bad case of the pot calling the kettle black, it turns out that it has been Trump and his father Fred who actually have a history of instrumentalizing their ethnic backgrounds to suit historical vicissitudes.

"In his book, “The Art of the Deal,” Donald Trump reaffirmed the myth of his family’s origins, writing that his father’s father came to America “from Sweden as a child.” (CNN 2024)

Trump’s repeated attacks on (Senator Elizabeth) Warren come despite his own family’s past efforts to hide their heritage. According to multiple reports from The New York Times and the Boston Globe and a biography, Trump’s father repeatedly sought to conceal the fact that he was the son of German immigrants. 

Fred Trump sought to pass himself off as Swedish amid anti-German sentiment sparked by World War II. According to the biography “The Trumps: Three Generations that Built an Empire” by Gwenda Blair, Fred Trump denied knowing German and did not teach it to his children. 

John Walter, a Trump family historian and one of Donald Trump’s cousins, said this was an effort to not offend his Jewish customers. 

“He said, ‘You don’t sell apartments after the war if you’re German,’ ” Walter said in the Boston Globe article. “So he’s Swedish, no problem.” 

Even after World War II, Fred Trump continued to claim he was Swedish, according to Walter...

In reality, Fred Trump’s father, Friedrich Trump, immigrated to the United States from the German city of Kallstadt as a teenager in 1885. Blair writes in her biography that Friedrich Trump went on to establish several saloons and hotels that doubled as brothels.

One German historian alleges that the Trump patriarch was kicked out of Germany for failing to complete mandatory military service and as such was not able to reclaim his German citizenship.

Donald Trump eventually acknowledged and embraced his German heritage, serving as the grand marshal of the annual German-American Steuben Parade in New York City in 1999. In a video message for the 2011 event, Trump touted his grandfather’s immigration story and recalled the earlier parade.

“We passed Trump Tower, 69 stories. I looked up and I said, ‘This is a long way from Kallstadt,’” he said, referring to his grandfather’s hometown.

“I’m a proud German-American,” Donald Trump added.

Continuing his rant against Harris, the former president said "So I don’t know, is she Indian or is she Black?”

“I respect either one, but she obviously doesn’t, because she was Indian all the way, and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she went – she became a Black person,” he said at the National Association of Black Journalists convention. “I think somebody should look into that too.”

The question we now all want to have answered from Trump is which is it, German, Scottish or Swedish? While his paternal line is purely German (both paternal grandparents were German immigrants) and his mother was a Scottish immigrant, his Swedish roots are purely fantastical, intended to deceive Fred Trump's Jewish customers during and after WWII.

So the opportunism accusation and ethnic confusion is purely in Trump's court. Harris has never made any secret of her Indian (maternal) and Black (paternal) ethnicity, nor has she ever claimed to be Swedish, American Indian, or anything else. 

                           

Donald Trump's ethnic German father Fred (left) and Scottish mother Mary Ann (née MacLeod, right). Until now no one has ever substantiated any Swedish "blood," residence or linguistic fluency in the family tree, despite claims at various times made by father and son. (Picture credits: Brooklyn Eagle, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons and http://photos.geni.com/p13/ca/06/3d/62/5344483e50c81604/mary_ann_trump_large.jpg)

 

The Emperor's New Covid Charisma, or O tempora! O mores!

 

Top: President Donald Trump waves as he drives past supporters gathered outside Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., Sunday, Oct. 4, 2020. Trump was admitted to the hospital after contracting COVID-19. (AP Photo/Carlos Vargas)

Bottom: Followers surround the Rolls-Royce bearing Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Nov. 9, 1984 (Ed Timms / The Dallas Morning News)

Trump's Revelations

CIB Breaking Nightmare News--Unprecedented Trump had a path blazed through peaceful demonstrators in front of the White House on Monday to uphold his articles of faith in front of St John's Episcopal Church.

Contrary to the widespread belief that this was a Christian Bible, the Creditanstalt Intelligence Bureau has learned that this was that other book he had taken the oath of office on: Adolf Hitler's My New Order.

Unprecedented Trump brandishing an unknown book, upside-down and cover-concealed. The CIB has learned this is his personal copy of Hitler's My New Order. (Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES)

Hidden in a plain leather binding, this is Trump's personal copy of Hitler's speeches. Ivanka Trump brought it along in her $1,540 MaxMara handbag.

Attorney General William "Vyshinsky" Barr personally ordering police to clear the streets for Trump's "Bible" stunt. Scholars differ about whether a comparison with notorious Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer or Andrey Yanuaryevich Vyshinsky is more appropriate.

Peaceful protestors being gassed by Barr's stormtroopers to clear a path for Trump's biblical pilgrimage. Evangelicals have compared this miracle to the parting of the Red Sea.

In his address at the Rose Garden, Trump threatened to deploy US troops against the unruly populace:

If a city or state refuses [to call in the National Guard] then I will deploy the United States military and quickly solve the problem for them... As we speak, I am dispatching thousands and thousands of heavily armed soldiers, military personnel, and law enforcement offices to stop the rioting, looting, vandalism assaults and the wanton destruction of property.

This is not the first time that Trump has unleashed military might against American cities. The nuclear annihilation of Rochester, NY, is still a fresh wound. The failure of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to put an end to the unconstitutional regime then has led former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mike Mullen to write on Tuesday

It sickened me yesterday to see security personnel—including members of the National Guard—forcibly and violently clear a path through Lafayette Square to accommodate the president's visit outside St. John's Church... Even in the midst of the carnage we are witnessing, we must endeavor to see American cities and towns as our homes and our neighborhoods. They are not “battle spaces” to be dominated, and must never become so... Our fellow citizens are not the enemy, and must never become so... This is not the time for stunts. This is the time for leadership.

 After the failures of the Mueller Report, the House impeachment, and the courts to bring constitutional order to the Trump regime, what is still separating us from the military imposition of the Trumpian New Order?

Ivanka Trump carrying the infamous "Bible" to the St John's stunt. Fashion critics agree that her new pandemic line is a considerable improvement on her frilly Peggy Shippen failure. This seems to be the one redeeming feature of the event. In all other respects, however, she is still living up to her role model.

Trump's "Release the most vicious hounds" stumbles over watchdog purge

Unprecedented Trump's threat to release "the most vicious hounds" on protestors besieging the White House collapsed this morning when the Secret Service was only able to deploy a single infirm canine on the Manor's steps.

Unpresidential Donald "Mr. Burns" Trump (right) standing next to his lapdog AG William "Smithers Vyshinsky" Barr (left), who said that “Groups of outside radicals and agitators are exploiting the situation to pursue their own separate and violent agenda.”

A Secret Service spokesperson (@SecretService) said that they had told Trump that their vicious hounds kennel had been inadvertently depleted of "the young ones on the front line, sir, they love it, and good practice" during the recent purge of "deep state" watchdogs such as State Department Inspector General Steve Linick.