Putin Proposes Next Summit at Revived TACO Bell Pushcart in Komsomolskaya Metro Station

CIB Breaking Surreal News

Komsomolskaya Subway Station in Moscow, site of Taco Bell trial pushcart in 1993 to probe Russian market (Top photo: Wikimedia). Vladimir Putin presenting summit fare from a revived Taco Bell (Bottom photo: Source).

Following on the highly successful Alaska summit between Russian President Vladimir Putin and US President Donald Trump (aka Krasnov), the CIB has just learned that the main outcome, rather than an immediate ceasefire in the Ukraine War, will be a follow-up summit in Moscow to thrash out “core issues,” which observers consider to be code for Ukrainian national obliteration.

To underscore the vast economic possibilities opened by a rapprochement between the two countries, President Putin will propose to hold the summit in the Komsomolskaya Metro Station in Moscow, site of the 1993 Taco Bell pushcart. The short-lived pushcart, symbolic of America’s global fast-food economic might, unfortunately did not suffice to close the US global trade deficit and was soon closed.

Putin considers the Taco Bell pushcart particularly suitable for this summit ever since the Financial Time's US Financial Columnist Robert Armstrong coined the term TACO trade to characterize Trump’s negotiating strategy:

TACO = TRUMP ALWAYS CHICKENS OUT

In other words, Trumps first makes a big fuss setting an ultimatum, then postpones or folds when Trump’s opponent puts up any credible resistance.

Putin has taken this insight to heart during the Alaska summit, calling Trump’s bluff on the 10-12 day ultimatum to agree to a ceasefire Trump announced on July 28 in Scotland.

The grandeur of the Stalin-era Komsomolskaya Metro Station will remind the world of Russian greatness and contrast favorably with the US’s pushcart economy and deal-making bluster, Russian sources said.

Trump Appoints Ghislaine Maxwell as Special Advisor at Putin Summit to Lubricate Swap of Alaska for Occupied Ukraine

 CIB Breaking Surreal News (“Truthier than Thruthiness”)

Ghislaine Maxwell (left) “pleasuring” Jeffrey Epstein aboard his private jet in the happy days before his “suicide” and her “incarceration” (Dept of Justice via Courthouse News). Russian President Vladimir Putin (right), a powerful man notoriously difficult to “pleasure” (Ria-Novosti/Alexey Druzhinin)

President Trump (aka “Krasnov”) has pardoned convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell and ordered her immediate release from her “Club Fed” detention to serve as his special advisor during the upcoming summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Ghislaine Maxwell is endowed with unique experience that will assist President Trump in making Putin’s stay during the summit in Alaska as pleasurable as possible, said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. It wouldn’t be the first time Ghislaine has entrapped powerful men with former employees of President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago spa facilities, Leavitt continued.

Notorious photo of Prince Andrew, Virginia Giuffre (now deceased) and Ghislaine Maxwell, demonstrating Ghislaine’s unique ability to entrap powerful men with groomed sex slaves “stolen” from Trump’s Mar-a-Lago spa.

The CIB has learned that President Trump had first entertained the idea of enlisting former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin for this role. Palin, however, was put off by rumors that Trump was planning a territorial swap of Alaska (bought from Russia in 1867) for the Russian-occupied parts of Ukraine to pacify the “ungrateful” Ukrainian President Zelenskyy.

Trump justified this swap by saying the US would be more than compensated after Canada was made the 51st state. Palin, however, a patriotic Alaskan, was still not appeased, but was apparently flattered that she had been considered for the job.

Pete Hegseth deported from US after tattoos reveal him to be member of MS-13 gang

CIB plausible mashup news, Washington DC, April 23, 2025

Speculation about whether President Trump (aka “Krasnov”) will dismiss Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was put to rest after it became known today that masked ICE agents apprehended Hegseth as he left his office in the Pentagon and drove him in a tinted black van to a waiting aircraft at Ronald Reagan National Airport for deportation to a high-security prison in El Salvador.

President Trump, in a hastily convened press conference, asserted that a closer examination of Hegseth’s numerous tattoos revealed that several incriminated him as a member of terrorist organizations.

Recently revealed tattoos on Hegseth’s arm finally broke the camel’s back. Yahoo!News

Trump presenting the incriminating closeup that led to Hegseth’s immediate deportation under the Enemy Domestics Act, first invoked in 1798 to get rid of President John Adams’ French cook. TruthSocial

Trump denied that Hegseth’s repeated use of Signal chat groups to transmit classified military information, including to his wife, brother and lawyer, was the grounds for his dismissal and deportation.

Trump said that if unauthorized use of Signal chat groups were grounds for dismissal and deportation, half of his administration would already be in jail in El Salvador.

Instead, he claimed that Hegseth’s deportation proves that ICE is being completely evenhanded in its treatment of MS-13 members with tattoos on their hands, regardless of whether it is the left or the right hand.

“We deported Kilmer Abrego Garcia, a complete nobody, without due process. We can deport the Secretary of Defense too, if it seizes my whim. No one is safe—homegrown white supremacists, undocumented immigrants, what have you,” Trump asserted. “Shoo-be-doo-be-doo-da-day,” Trump then sang to the intimidated amusement of the press core.

“Due process is hugely overrated. The Supreme Court can huff and puff as much as they want. Garcia is gone, Hegseth is gone, they’re outside US jurisdiction now and I’m not bringing them back like I did the Tate brothers!”

“I’d claim to be an equal-opportunity autocrat but that would smack of DEI!”, Trump quipped in closing the press conference.

Fake Doctor Is Charged After ‘Liberation Day’ Butt Lift Surgery Leaves World Economy Near Death

CIB Exclusive Semifake Report, Washington, DC and New York, April 4, 2025

"Markets today are way down ... How's it going?" a reporter asked the president. 

”I think it's going very well," Trump responded. "It was an operation. I like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is."(Source: ABC News)

Shortly thereafter, New York City police reported that the patient, apparently known as “The World Economy,” was taken to a hospital by emergency medical workers, where she was intubated, according to a criminal complaint filed today by the Queens district attorney. She had “no brain activity,” the complaint said, “and she is not likely to survive.”

The man, “Donald Trump,” aka “Krasnov,” aka “The President,” 78, tried to flee the United States after the woman became unresponsive, according to the report. Officers caught up with him at Kennedy Airport today, just hours after the operation, as he waited to board the first leg of a flight to Russia, the report said.

Mr. Trump appears to have been a busy, if unlicensed, cosmetic surgeon who also worked in New York City and Palm Beach, according to online records and advertisements. In Washington, DC, he performed procedures in a white house in a park lined with tall trees and well-kept gardens. On Thursday, an order to vacate was pasted to the door. Neighbors said they had seen a swarm of emergency vehicles arrive on the block on Friday morning but that they knew little about the man the police were seeking.

Residence of fake cosmetic surgeon, now abandoned and boarded up. (Photo Credit: NPS)

Schoolyard Bullies Gang Up on Smaller Jewish Kid: Demand His Lunch Money and Want Him to Lick Their Boots

CIB unfathomable news: Two notorious MRGA (Make Russia Great Again) schoolyard bullies ambushed the Ukrainian President yesterday in the White House, demanding his lunch money and a show of “gratitude” by licking their boots.

The schoolyard confrontation (CNN).

The confrontation got off to a good start with the MRGA boss’s feigned chagrin at the President’s attire: “Oh look, you’re all dressed up”.

 

The “disrespectful” attire of the Ukrainian wartime President (top: New York Times) contrasts with the “devout” attire of Huck Hogan at the Republican Convention (bottom: Getty Images). Only “professional” wrestlers like Hogan are permitted to approach His Highness in “fighting” attire, not wartime statesmen.

The bullies were satisfied that the dressing down made for “great television,” but they plan to up their game to attain the media impact of the infamous scenes of Viennese Jews being made to scrub the sidewalks after the Nazi Anschluss of Austria in 1938 (coming attractions for Ukraine and the European Union?).

Photo Credit: Dokumentationsarchiv des Oesterreichischen Widerstandes

Vice-bully Vance said that in the future, foreign “indignitaries” would be required to grovel at least as far as 1938 Viennese Jews to prove their “gratitude,” something the Ukrainian President successfully resisted yesterday.

The world was stunned that the United States has fallen even below the 1954 televised Army-McCarthy hearings, when Army Counsel Joseph Welch challenged the senator’s reckless charges, asking, “Have you no sense of decency, sir?”, to this televised schoolyard bullying.

Photo Credit: United States Senate

Donald Trump calling the kettle (Kamala Harris) Black?

(Charles H. Bennett, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

"Former President Donald Trump falsely claimed Wednesday that his 2024 Democratic rival, Vice President Kamala Harris, “happened to turn Black” a few years ago, saying that “all of a sudden, she made a turn” in her identity." (CNN 2017)

In a bad case of the pot calling the kettle black, it turns out that it has been Trump and his father Fred who actually have a history of instrumentalizing their ethnic backgrounds to suit historical vicissitudes.

"In his book, “The Art of the Deal,” Donald Trump reaffirmed the myth of his family’s origins, writing that his father’s father came to America “from Sweden as a child.” (CNN 2024)

Trump’s repeated attacks on (Senator Elizabeth) Warren come despite his own family’s past efforts to hide their heritage. According to multiple reports from The New York Times and the Boston Globe and a biography, Trump’s father repeatedly sought to conceal the fact that he was the son of German immigrants. 

Fred Trump sought to pass himself off as Swedish amid anti-German sentiment sparked by World War II. According to the biography “The Trumps: Three Generations that Built an Empire” by Gwenda Blair, Fred Trump denied knowing German and did not teach it to his children. 

John Walter, a Trump family historian and one of Donald Trump’s cousins, said this was an effort to not offend his Jewish customers. 

“He said, ‘You don’t sell apartments after the war if you’re German,’ ” Walter said in the Boston Globe article. “So he’s Swedish, no problem.” 

Even after World War II, Fred Trump continued to claim he was Swedish, according to Walter...

In reality, Fred Trump’s father, Friedrich Trump, immigrated to the United States from the German city of Kallstadt as a teenager in 1885. Blair writes in her biography that Friedrich Trump went on to establish several saloons and hotels that doubled as brothels.

One German historian alleges that the Trump patriarch was kicked out of Germany for failing to complete mandatory military service and as such was not able to reclaim his German citizenship.

Donald Trump eventually acknowledged and embraced his German heritage, serving as the grand marshal of the annual German-American Steuben Parade in New York City in 1999. In a video message for the 2011 event, Trump touted his grandfather’s immigration story and recalled the earlier parade.

“We passed Trump Tower, 69 stories. I looked up and I said, ‘This is a long way from Kallstadt,’” he said, referring to his grandfather’s hometown.

“I’m a proud German-American,” Donald Trump added.

Continuing his rant against Harris, the former president said "So I don’t know, is she Indian or is she Black?”

“I respect either one, but she obviously doesn’t, because she was Indian all the way, and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she went – she became a Black person,” he said at the National Association of Black Journalists convention. “I think somebody should look into that too.”

The question we now all want to have answered from Trump is which is it, German, Scottish or Swedish? While his paternal line is purely German (both paternal grandparents were German immigrants) and his mother was a Scottish immigrant, his Swedish roots are purely fantastical, intended to deceive Fred Trump's Jewish customers during and after WWII.

So the opportunism accusation and ethnic confusion is purely in Trump's court. Harris has never made any secret of her Indian (maternal) and Black (paternal) ethnicity, nor has she ever claimed to be Swedish, American Indian, or anything else. 

                           

Donald Trump's ethnic German father Fred (left) and Scottish mother Mary Ann (née MacLeod, right). Until now no one has ever substantiated any Swedish "blood," residence or linguistic fluency in the family tree, despite claims at various times made by father and son. (Picture credits: Brooklyn Eagle, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons and http://photos.geni.com/p13/ca/06/3d/62/5344483e50c81604/mary_ann_trump_large.jpg)

 

The Emperor's New Covid Charisma, or O tempora! O mores!

 

Top: President Donald Trump waves as he drives past supporters gathered outside Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., Sunday, Oct. 4, 2020. Trump was admitted to the hospital after contracting COVID-19. (AP Photo/Carlos Vargas)

Bottom: Followers surround the Rolls-Royce bearing Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Nov. 9, 1984 (Ed Timms / The Dallas Morning News)