Calling election rigged, Trump declines presidency

Donald Trump declining presidency, calling election "rigged." (Photo: Telegraph)

CIB Breaking News - Despite his upset apparent victory yesterday in the electoral college tally, Donald Trump has shocked his supporters and the world this morning by declining the US presidency. Calling the election "fraudulent and rigged", he said

I cannot deceive the American people and accept a rigged result. The country deserves to remain ungovernable under the Constitution.

Sources close to his campaign have now disclosed some additional stunning facts that contributed to this decision:

 1. Trump was actually born in Sweden. Thus not being naive born, he was never eligible to be President. Once again, Trump has single-handedly resolved the birther controversy.

 2. Trump's tax returns, just published by WikiLeaks based on Russian hacking, show that his net worth is seriously negative, not the $10 billion he had always claimed. He is so deeply in debt to Russian creditors that the paltry salary of the US President would never allow him to keep menacing Russian debt collectors at bay.

 3. In return for renouncing the US presidency, Trump proposes that he be allowed to plow up Arlington National Cemetery and develop it into the Trump National Golf Course on a 50-50 revenue sharing basis with the US government, along the lines of his celebrated renovation of Wollman Rink in Central Park.