The Very Stable Genius Touts His Microbe Avoiding Abilities

CIB Breaking Pandemonium News--Under attack for downplaying the threat from the incipient Covid-19 pandemic, Unprecedented Trump lashed out at Democrats for supposedly weaponizing the disease for political gain.

Trump reminded the American people of his unpresidented record in avoiding sexually transmissible diseases (STDs) during the Vietnam War.

In a 1997 interview with shock jock host Howard Stern, Trump boasted

“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider,” Trump said in the interview when Howard Stern asked how he handled making sure he wasn’t contracting STDs from the women he was sleeping with.

Trump now reassures the American people that his proven microbe-avoiding abilities will protect them from the spread of Covid-19, which was anyway a Chinese hoax like climate change. America should invest in his Great Wall instead of fake science like public health.

Trump compared his appointment of Vice President Pence as Covid-19 coordinator to his use of condoms during this promiscuous period of his career.

This has earned the Vice President the nickname Preservative Pence, which has begun to replace his previous nickname Public-Health-Prayer Pence.

In the Khashoggi dismemberment scandal, the Trump Administration had also demonstrated a seesaw commitment to public health.

posted from Bloggeroid

Taking Trumpisms to their Illogical Conclusions

I. The "it happens" holocaust

Unprecedented Trump commenting on a fatal road accident caused by the wife of an American intelligence operative in the UK:

“You know those are the opposite roads, that happens,” he said. “I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to driving on our system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re driving, it happens.”

Trump before the Pearly Gates, explaining to Saint Peter how he accidentally extinguished humanity in a nuclear holocaust:

"You know those buttons on the nuclear football are sometimes opposite. I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to pussy grabbing on one system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re grabbing, it happens.”

II. The Dolchstoßlegende (stab-in-the-back legend) à l'americaine

Trump press conference on why he is abandoning Kurdish allies to a Turkish offensive in Syria:

"Now the Kurds are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning the Kurds would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

Trump press conference on why he is abandoning Germany and Japan to Russian and Chinese offensives:

"Now the Germans and the Japanese are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning long-standing NATO and U.S.-Japan Mutual Security Treaties would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

posted from Bloggeroid

White House threatens more "doctoring" of CNN's Jim Acosta

(Photo: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters)

Washington, DC (CIB Breaking Satanic News)--After being accused of spreading an Infowars doctored video of the tussle between CNN White House reporter Jim Acosta and Deputy Press Entrapment (aka "intern") Jailbait Lindsay Walters, White House Press Secretary Sanders unequivocally started that

If there's any doctoring of journalists to be done around here, we reach for our bone saws, not Photoshop.

What's good for Khashoggi is good for the country. Make America Lame Again!

posted from Bloggeroid

Trump announces seven-day FBI investigation of Jamal Khashoggi disappearance

CIB breaking (fake?) news--Unpresidented US Precedent Donald Trump ordered the FBI to conduct a seven-day cover-up investigation of the disappearance of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi, along the successful lines of the recent whitewashing of Brett Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court.

Confronted with the evidence of foul play and international indignation, Trump, after six days, blurted "I don't like it." He will give the FBI an additional day for their investigation to, as he put it, "put the pieces together again."

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) has been accused of ordering a 15 man hit squad to torture, kill, dismember, and dispose of Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul.

Trump said in defence of MBS that "It is a very scary time for young men in Saudi Arabia, where you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of."

Khashoggi's fiancée Hatice Cengiz waited several hours in vain outside the Saudi consulate for his return.

At a rally in Mississippi Trump later mocked her account:

"How did you get home? I don't remember. How'd you get there? I don't remember. Where is the place? I don't remember. How many years ago was it? I don't know."

Trump's comments were met with laughter and applause from the crowd.

"I don't know. I don't know," the President continued. "What neighborhood was it in? I don't know. Where's the house? I don't know. Upstairs, downstairs -- where was it? I don't know but I had one beer. That's the only thing I remember."

It's a dangerous time to be a young man around the world, but it pays to have powerful friends.

posted from Bloggeroid

Now We Finally Know What America First Means: Peace For Our Time!

Donald Trump, 2018 [Fox News interview on NATO Article 5]:

Mr. Carlson moved to his next prompt: “So, let’s say Montenegro, which joined [NATO] last year, is attacked. Why should my son go to Montenegro to defend it from attack? Why is that?”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Mr. Trump responded. “I’ve asked the same question.” “Tiny” Montenegro, he continued, has “very aggressive people. They may get aggressive and congratulations, you’re in World War III.”

Fox News interview, reported in NYT July 18, 2018

Neville Chamberlain,1938 [broadcast on the Czechoslovakia crisis with Nazi Germany]:

"How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a far away country between people of whom we know nothing."

Broadcast (27 September 1938), quoted in "Prime Minister on the Issues", The Times (28 September 1938), p. 10

posted from Bloggeroid

Profiles in Courage (Fake News Edition)

Precedent Trump stated he believed he would have exhibited bravery by rushing in to defend the students during the Parkland school shooting “even if I didn’t have a weapon", if his bone spurs had not prevented him.

"Because of his bone spurs," his spokeswoman Sanders explained, "his personal physician advised him to spend the day playing golf instead."

In other news, Trump praised officials of the National Right Rifle Association opposed to gun control as "good people" every bit like the Neonazis in Charlottesville whose torchlight march resulted in the death of an innocent protester.

posted from Bloggeroid

Profiles in Courage (Fake News Edition)

Precedent Trump stated he believed he would have exhibited bravery by rushing in to defend the students during the Parkland school shooting “even if I didn’t have a weapon", if his bone spurs had not prevented him.

"Because of his bone spurs," his spokeswoman Sanders explained, he unfortunately had to spend the day playing golf.

In other news, Trump praised officials of the National Right Association opposed to gun control as "good people" every bit like the Neonazis in Charlottesville whose torchlight march resulted in the death of an innocent protester.

posted from Bloggeroid

Trump denies feud with US intelligence agencies

Precedent Donald Trump at CIA headquarters. Photo: Reuters

Precedent Donald Trump visited CIA headquarters on Saturday to make hay and pooh-pooh tensions resulting from agency claims that Russia had influenced the erection in his favor and unsubstantiated allegations in the infamous Steele dossier leaked to the press about salacious and possibly treasonous ties between him and his associates and Russian intelligence.

Trump said that his use of the rhetorical question "Are we living in Nazi Germany?" in an infamous Tweet about the leak was meant as a compliment to the agency, not a scathing criticism as reported in the "lying media." Trump said this interpretation was substantiated by his two-Bible oath and inaugural address the day before.

He encouraged the CIA to "keep up the good work," and promised to purge CIA agents who had not voted for him.

(Additional CIB fake reporting was contributed by Seymour Hersh in Washington and John Le Carré in London)

posted from Bloggeroid

Precedent-erect Trump calls Chinese capture of US naval drone "unpresidented" in Freudian slip?

Precedent-erect Trump issues Tweet ukase declaring Chinese capture of US naval drone "unpresidented".

Could this really be a multilayered Freudian slip revealing the Precedent-erect's subconscious doubts about his own presidentiality and potency?

Or are oblong-shaped drones sometimes really just cigars?





And don't forget the implications of his Alliterative Memory Disorder for mistargeted drone attacks!

posted from Bloggeroid

Sometimes a Jewish Star of David is Just a Sheriff’s Badge: Right-Wing Populism’s Obsession with Six-Pointed Objects

Presumptive Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump has been eating some crow lately for tweeting a picture of his Presumptive Democratic Presidential Rival Hillary Clinton (an actually rather flattering picture, you have to admit) against a background of cash next to a six-pointed star with the text “Most Corrupt Candidate Ever!” After critics quickly pointed out that the six-pointed star overlaying money immediately invoked deep anti-Semitic archetypes, Trump deleted the original and retweeted it with a red circle around the text, but with some of the original points still peeking out (the Trump campaign apparently has not yet been able to hire versatile Photoshop experts from any of the Trump enterprises to recycle Trump’s campaign loans to himself). In the meantime, the original picture has been traced back to a white supremacist and anti-Semitic website, according to research by mic.com.
For anyone following the rise of right-wing populism in Austria, this deliberate media provocation must seem like déjà vu all over again. In 2012, H.-C. Strache, head of the FPÖ, the Freiheitliche Partei Österreichs (Austrian “Freedom” Party, but more accurately translated as free-market or libertarian), posted this picture on his Facebook pages:

Posting from Austrian Freedom Party Chairman Strache’s Facebook page in 2012, with enlargement of the banker’s buttons revealing six-pointed stars. The caricature shows the government (middle) serving the banks (left) an opulent meal, while the people (right) are left to starve. Strache’s text makes a connection with the Eurozone’s recent bailout of European banks. Strache’s version added the stars and a hooked nose to the banker, from the original version posted on hangthebankers.com, proving that his party already had superior Photoshop experts than Trump.

The irony of this incident, aside from the anti-Semitism, is that it was exactly Strache’s predecessor as FPÖ chairman, Jörg Haider, who was almost single-handedly responsible for post-war Austria’s greatest bank failure, the Carinthian crony-capitalist Hypo-Alpe-Adria Bank, leaving the Austrian Federal Government to pick up the billions of Euros in bad debt. And there was not a Jewish banker in sight in this purely ‘Arian’ scandal.This failure has been likened to the 1931 failure of the Creditanstalt, which, as all readers of this blog will know, was the Lehman Bros. of the Great Depression.

Both populist politicians strenuously denied intentional anti-Semitic dog-whistling (which in Strache’s case was so unsubtle as not even to merit the designation dog-whistle, but rather was a prime candidate for the Stürmer prize of the year) and quickly taken down in the original form under protests of innocence and Ahnungslosigkeit.

1934 front page of Nazi Der Stürmer newspaper, the archetype of modern anti-Semitic propaganda. Headline: “Jewish Plot to Exterminate Non-Jewish Humanity Revealed!” The plotters have certainly been taking their time, but that hasn’t prevented anti-Semites from constantly recycling the charge, particularly after financial crises.

But while one could argue that this kind of anti-Semitism is so deeply embedded in the world’s collective, Jungian archetypical subconscious that there is no hope of exterminating it even after the Holocaust, there is still a problem here. Most contemporary right-wing populist parties, whatever their original roots, have been making efforts to distinguish themselves from the traditional anti-Semitic right. After all, there are much more promising targets for populist discontent today, such as ‘radical Islam,’ or all Muslims, or Mexicans, or even Polish plumbers. ‘Enlightened’ right-wingers like the FN’s Marine Le Pen have gone to considerable lengths to distance herself from her father’s traditional anti-Semitism. And there are powerful and well-established Jews in their countries who, when they are not busy plotting to exterminate the rest of humanity, might just have some spare change (think Sheldon Adelson) and political sympathies for right-wing populism .

Even the FPÖ’s H-C Strache has gone to the trouble of visiting Israel’s Yad Vashem Holocaust Remembrance Center and try to establish ties with right-wing Israelis, on common anti-Islamic grounds. Yet to demonstrate his respect, instead of a Jewish yarmulke he wore the cap of his German-national, duelling fraternity, seen by many right-wingers as a clever back-handed provocation.

Screenshot of Strache’s 2010 visit to Yad Vashem.

Nor does anyone think that Donald Trump, who together with his father made his fortune by renting apartments to predominantly Jewish tenants (while claiming to be of Swedish rather than German descent) and by being a crony of the Brooklyn Democratic Party, with which the Jewish Mayors Abe Beame and Ed Koch were associated, is personally anti-Semitic. Nevertheless, these dog-whistle and not so dog-whistle exercises in anti-Semitism cannot be unintentional (no one is that stupid), but they have one thing in common that populists love: publicity. Deniable publicity to the general public, winking and pandering publicity to their extreme-right audiences, but in any case free publicity.

And this is the one cardinal thing that Donald Trump learned from his mentor, Roy Cohn: there is no bad publicity. The fact that Cohn himself was Jewish (and a McCarthyite scoundrel, closet homosexual, and general mafia-connected wastrel) made no difference at all. So sometimes, a Jewish Star of David really is just a sheriff’s badge.

But there is one little thing that Donald Trump may still want to learn from H-C Strache: if you lose an election, just get the Supreme Court to keep repeating it until your candidate wins!

From left: Roy Cohn, journalist Ed Kosner and Donald Trump. Photograph: Sonia Moskowitz/Getty Images